i am thinking of taking a vow this year. people take vows all the time, for marriage, medicine, secrecy, silence, or devotion, but i never have. i have to think it over for the next day or so, then i'll let you know. unless of course i take a vow to disappear....oh, i won't.
the rain has been constant, and there's just more on the way, a huge tropical storm in the south pacific is making for the rainiest weather i've ever experienced. and it's only been a week! folks tell me it can go on like this for 30 days or more. crazy. but it's giving me a sense of winter, i feel ok about staying in, reading, and sleeping late. the seeds of my discontent lay more in the cycle of seasons i've become accustomed to than the actual temperature. we all need time to die and mourn and get ugly, fertile soil is not made by ease. what i hoped to escape was the bone chilling cold that bit me over and over for years with no sign of relenting. i have accomplished that.
i have been invited to a party for new years. though my hermit self wants to decline, my sense of adventure won't allow it. my mission here can't be accomplished all alone in a pity party. i must go out and join in the revelry.
my low spirits have opened up doors. i am still disappointed in myself, but i am determined too. each day is a gift, each person i meet, a universe. how can i not be in love with life? i relearned this.
you know what i'm starting to miss? you know where i think my earthly home is?
i'll tell you later.
Noatak river paddle day 8: Okak
22 hours ago