Tuesday, November 25, 2008

what now?

how can the life i live be fair? i was born a privileged white female. my family is decidedly middle class, i never suffered hunger or cold or lack of education under my parent's care. the advantages i've had are unheard of to most of the world's population. and here i am, moving to hawai'i because i want to, because i chose to. being able to do this brings up lots of questions like what is a person supposed to do with their privilege? how can i make my freedom to travel a good thing for the world? am i just being selfish? the native hawaiians who are trying to re-establish their nation's sovereignty don't want me there, i'm just another cog in the wheel of colonial oppression. would i be a better person if i went somewhere i was actually wanted? who can say who belongs where?
as i shift my focus from my own disentanglements, the larger social constructs take the lead. i am happy to be out of the capitalist/consumerist mindset of numbness, and now i have to do something with it. with awareness comes responsibility.
i fly in one week. the most challenging part (i think) is over--freyja is all vaccinated and microchipped and ready to be hauled across the pacific. taking an animal to hawaii is not an easy task, and this challenge was the test to see how bad i wanted to go. the way this whole trip evolved is something i could not envision when i left denver. further proving that an unknown plan is operating behind the scenes, i am but a pawn.


cathy said...

i accidentally came to your blog by mistake through another's blog roll...i read your latest entry and thought "oh will you grow up"...and then to be more objective read through several more including a few from a while back...you couldn't be more self-absorbed if you wanted to...maybe you should read some of your previous entries again...i know that you want to sound interesting or something but you come off as a whiney baby...jeesh....grow up will you?

Anonymous said...

Hey Cathy...GET YOUR OWN BLOG! No one forced you to read this one, so don't attack the writer for expressing herself. Self-righteous bitch.

stranger in a strange van said...

cathy, you are right. this is a self absorbed blog about me and my interests.
you are excused, ma'am.

Fever Kate said...

Woah there, bloggers. Ten deep breaths for everyone except the already enlightened Lydia. Anyhoo, this comment is for Lydia and her self-absorbed life; Joel and I have been plotting to make a show about Hawaii (mostly as an excuse to go there but not just be tourists) and if it ever comes to fruition we will explore the relationship between Hawaiian natives and mainlanders through the form of ensemble theater. Your being there will help us make it happen, so go forth and be proud to be a thoughtful person in the world who is interested in cultural dialogue. Help us bridge the gap in Hawaiian cultural understanding.

Anonymous said...

I am struck by your faithfulness to Freya, not only in this instance but earlier in the year when she was ill.

So many people regard animals as things - possessions they can throw away when they are tired of them. It is heartening to see someone accept their responsibility so unquestioningly.

You are blessed.

joe fisher said...

I remember reading this blog a considerable amount of time ago and you where about waist deep in debt and working very hard to get out of it. Enjoy your freedoms and be happy spreading good energy as often as possible.


Anonymous said...

hi, i thought about your post when i was out for a walk, shirtless, through the spiny cholla & ocotillo this morning. at once i felt both the pangs of privilege employed (for in this culture only males can bare certain skin), and at the same time, liberation, amidst all the "respectable" getups of the wealthy motorhomers out there, who undoubtedly scoff at my dusty cutoffs and torn-up sandals from within their luxurious pods.

but somebody's gotta stand up against forced clothedness! just like somebody's got to stand with the native hawaiians in their fight. i'd say, as with all things, give yourself to your community and you will not only feel welcomed there, but it will also give back to you.

relationship ought to be fostered in all of our interactions (the food we eat, the resources we use, the space we occupy, etc). now you'll be in an ideal place to help with the native struggle (much more hands on than we can be over here on the mainland). and in offering your help, you turn your powers of white, middle class privilege to good. that is, until we can erase such privilege from existing altogether.

i hope you keep writing as you go along out there!

stranger in a strange van said...

thanks anons, kate, joe, and rube for reminding me i'm not a jackass. i'd love to be a correspondent for the movie, be an agent for change on the islands, and generally bring the best i have to offer to those who need it. all suggestions are welcome.