Wednesday, October 15, 2008

mystery

i'm moving through the world with no guideposts but my instincts. no goals but my survival. no barriers but my ability to figure things out. these last days have been rife with confusion, waffling, doubt, and excitement. i'm on the precipice, not knowing quite what might befall me. i asked for this, i surely did. every path has obstacles, and i can't for the life of me figure out which ones i'd rather tackle. ha! you thought i made a decision?? think again. welcome to my fairy tale, a tangled wood through which i wander where every solid thing i think i see morphs and i am lost again. it's fun, yes, but tiring.
tomorrow i will search for clues in my past. my old journals i've kept stowed away hold secrets that may help me understand why i am here, where i should go, and what i've been working for. the freedom is not a goal unto itself, it's a doorway that, now opened, baffles me.

3 comments:

Fever Kate said...

It is a time of transition. Today I attended a council of several different spiritual leaders in honor of practice day at Naropa (the theme was "transition") and was interested to learn from the rabbi about the Jewish holiday, Sukkot, which begins today (the first full moon after the autumnal equinox). On Sukkot they build a temporary dwelling (there is currently a little hut on Naropa campus) and they live in it for 7 days. The rabbi described it as a way to honor the impermanence of things and the transitional periods in life. Then the Christian guy spoke at length about the deeper meaning of waterfalls, and I thought you might like to remember that no matter how choppy it gets on top, life is seamless beneath the surface. It is impossible for you to make a wrong decision, but just in case you should go see the rabbi!

stranger in a strange van said...

oh kateness, you have a way of figuring out my life! i love you for the way you translate lessons and give me back my sense of purpose.

Sub Girl said...

The "Story of You" just keeps getting better and better! It's like I can't put this book down.