sinking in slowly, the realizations pile up...i have to go back to pennsylvania to get my tooth fixed (again), i'm really broke but i still have lots to do before i get a job, i'm getting lonelier, i'm in love with him again. the balance of joy to problems is reasonable, but maybe i'm carrying the load wrong. i miss the van and the simplicity it afforded me. i was off on my own, and often melancholy, but i could deal with each situation case by case, now it's all jumbled up and stretches on forever intertwined with lovers, family, friends, history, and future. this is all leading up to me being alone in a strange place again and i suppose i'm going through it to make me happy to be able to catch my breath once i am there.
in the meantime, i'm helping joe and friends build their cottage/shed so he can live there for a while this winter. i encouraged him to make a go of it since it would afford him the ability to live rent-free (a specialty of mine) for a while this winter while he figures out life. i may be headed into a rent paying situation, but i will always vouch for the viability of the free life.
i'm spending an inordinate amount of time staring at this screen and i just don't know what to say. today i feel helpless, tomorrow i must begin again.
KCHBR day 8: zero in Visalia
2 weeks ago