today i begin to broaden the view of this blog, this mind, this life. i've spent the past year, and many other years in my life just getting out from under burdens, obligations, and debts; always managing to keep my head above water, but not much else. my friend sarah says that's very grown-up of me since many people have their parents bail them out, have money from an inheritance, or rely on someone else to pay their way much of their twenties. i feel like the price i paid for learning this self sufficiency was not learning my true calling, not knowing my special strengths. things other people learned while relying on their financial supporters, i never had a chance to. i've been assured it's not too late, i just switched the order of learning. many of my friends are just now learning how to completely financially support themselves, but i envy the fact that they know what they really want to do in life. getting free from oppressive debt was the first step to giving myself space to grow into the adult i want to be. now, that weight off my shoulders, i'm feeling a little lost, like all i've really learned in life was how to be a good worker bee. i want to be more than that now, but i don't know where to start. more advice from sarah says that one of my great strengths is curiosity and the ability to talk to all walks of life. my varied experiences give me ease in relating to the working class, yogis, college students, cowhands, drunks, dreamers, lawyers, bodyworkers, hobos, artists, thinkers, homeless and more. i wonder of what use that is, but i'm not going to let that discourage me. i'm going to make my hawaii adventure into an art project. i want to document my experience and share my perspective. i want to filter the seemingly random lessons i learn each day into something coherent and thought provoking. maybe i'll interview people i meet and take their picture, doing a series using the same questions, like "who are you?", and "what do you think about most?". maybe i'll do some naturalist studies, like what comprises the jungle floor, or how to identify different species of bananas, or what plants were native to hawaii and how they got there. it's infinite. i want to spend a nearly equal amount of time with people and without them. i want to work enough to feel financially stable, but not so much that i have no time to volunteer on something fascinating-- my own study or someone else's.
this is where the blog takes a turn. i've extricated my body and mind from the trappings of "normal" obligations. i'm a free agent. this is where the lens zooms out and i find my newly unstuck self in a bigger picture.
desert heat/small doge/blind faith
1 week ago