yesterday i took a few more steps toward homeless life. i got a PO box in the same neighborhood my work and yoga studio are in. there's also a branch of my bank there, so i'm pretty set up for short commutes. i'm sure the challenging part will be learning where i can and can not park for the night. it's a pretty affluent neighborhood, but it's near downtown, so i'm sure like most dense urban areas, the neighbors don't all know each other and therefore won't be too concerned about who's van is parked out front. there's a mall with a covered parking garage 3 blocks from my work where i intend to park when it's hot out, so my kitty won't roast. i wonder about the nosiness of people in a mall lot. will someone take it upon themself to try to free my cat? i certainly hope she won't be meowing all day. i think i'll do a test run with me in the van for an evening in the mall lot just to see what kind of activity goes on around there before i leave her in there without me.
some things i wonder about are will i have too much time or not enough? will i be bored in the van or will the constant change be totally engaging? will i end up leaving town alot or just find places to be around town?
and on another topic...i think my boyfriend situation is not working out so well. i think it's because we don't have equal footing in the relationship. intellectually we're on different levels, emotionally too. i'm not talking superior/inferior, just really divergent. we come from opposite worlds which makes things interesting, but also causes misunderstandings. and we both have a tendency to retreat from conflict or uncomfortable conversations, leaving us both backing away from each other at the point we could be working things out. he's a good guy, he really is, but i don't know how much effort i can put into it. if it's not easy, i'm going to lose interest, i already know that. that realization feels like apathy, but i don't feel the relationship is worth fighting for. that's the bottom line that leaves me feeling like an asshole. why did i enter into it in the first place? because it was easy, and we were 2 lonely souls looking for companionship, and something was better than nothing. now i have love for him and want him to be happy, but i don't envision us going down the long road together. what a jerk.
desert heat/small doge/blind faith
14 hours ago