Monday, May 12, 2008

gathering it all up

today i got all my stuff out of E's place. my friend jess helped me because i was scared that e wouldn't want to see me, but it wasn't like that at all. he told me what's been going on, and though i don't understand why he didn't tell me sooner, i feel relieved just to know. his way of coping with intense stress is to retreat into a very tight shell which leaves people who love him (i.e. me) out in the cold wondering what they did wrong. turns out, it's not about me in the least. i feel sad that he doesn't want to talk about it, but i don't know what to do to help him. i guess just continue to leave him alone. i called several times today to see if he wanted to hang out, but he was doing something with his kids for mother's day and all he could spare was a text to tell me he wasn't interested.
at any rate, i have all my stuff in one place now. sort of. i still have the old van, and some of the stuff is in there--a box that i'm sending to my mom's house, a box going to the thrift store, and random massage stuff. the rest i fit in my little shed at the parking spot. i've got to get it sorted and pared down so that i'll be ready to leave when i'm ready to leave. i can't decide if i should sell my massage chair, i hardly ever use it, but it could be very handy for a mobile massage business this winter.
i feel good about my progress toward a totally van contained life. there is absolutely no reason why i need more stuff than i can fit in my giant van. life is lived outside my "stuff" now.
i'm having a bad girl streak--i drank mimosa's at brunch, a beer for lunch and i just finished a half pint of ice cream for dinner. now i'm going to a bar to see if i want to hang out with this guy who's been calling me. i don't want to date him, but maybe he has a cute friend:) hehehe


zenny1313 said...

maybe he is finally realizing that he has no future with you that come fall you're leaving,and this is the only way he knows how to deal with it,by closing you out of his life now.

stranger in a strange van said...

maybe. if that's the case, i'm disappointed that he doesnt' want to enjoy the time we have together.