i'm plauged by bad communication, unknown motives and wanderlust. e won't talk to me. i don't know why, i think he needs some space which i'm totally willing to give, but the lack of a simple request has me puzzled. didn't we go into this relationship with the agreement that we'd be honest with each other? am i imagining that we intended not to keep secrets? whatever the issue is, his lips are sealed and i'm left wondering if i've made a big faux pas that i don't know about. if i don't have him to pal around with, this city becomes less attractive. he's made my life easier for this transition to van life, and i'm so grateful for that, but if he's gone, then things change. i wish i knew what the deal was.
on the other hand, i had a great vandwelling day today. i was too lazy to go to yoga this morning, but i really needed a shower, so i started heating up water. i put a full crockpot of water on and let it get real hot, then heated up a pot of water on the stove. it was cool and thunderstormy, so my solar shower was not heating up on it's own, i had to help it. i added about a gallon and a half of very hot water to the five gallon bag and it was quite comfortably warm. i think on a cooler day i would have needed another gallon of hot, but with today's mild temp it was great. i washed my hair and got my body all clean and beautiful. it was very satisifying to be able to take care of that basic need with just the tools at hand. sponge baths are effective to a degree, but sometimes you need a nice hot shower to really feel clean.
i miss everyone i love. it's pretty painful. seeing all my girlfriends was wonderful and filled me up to the brim and i just want more. more family, more friends, more lovers, more life to embrace! i'm ready to be a part of something bigger.
desert heat/small doge/blind faith
3 days ago