Friday, May 9, 2008

faulty signals, outdoor showers

i'm plauged by bad communication, unknown motives and wanderlust. e won't talk to me. i don't know why, i think he needs some space which i'm totally willing to give, but the lack of a simple request has me puzzled. didn't we go into this relationship with the agreement that we'd be honest with each other? am i imagining that we intended not to keep secrets? whatever the issue is, his lips are sealed and i'm left wondering if i've made a big faux pas that i don't know about. if i don't have him to pal around with, this city becomes less attractive. he's made my life easier for this transition to van life, and i'm so grateful for that, but if he's gone, then things change. i wish i knew what the deal was.
on the other hand, i had a great vandwelling day today. i was too lazy to go to yoga this morning, but i really needed a shower, so i started heating up water. i put a full crockpot of water on and let it get real hot, then heated up a pot of water on the stove. it was cool and thunderstormy, so my solar shower was not heating up on it's own, i had to help it. i added about a gallon and a half of very hot water to the five gallon bag and it was quite comfortably warm. i think on a cooler day i would have needed another gallon of hot, but with today's mild temp it was great. i washed my hair and got my body all clean and beautiful. it was very satisifying to be able to take care of that basic need with just the tools at hand. sponge baths are effective to a degree, but sometimes you need a nice hot shower to really feel clean.
i miss everyone i love. it's pretty painful. seeing all my girlfriends was wonderful and filled me up to the brim and i just want more. more family, more friends, more lovers, more life to embrace! i'm ready to be a part of something bigger.

5 comments:

A Poet Philosopher said...

Oh yes, the great relationship quandary, why people react the way they do. Relationships are a balance of each party having their needs met by the other. Apparently you are not meeting his needs. If one party is unwilling to communicate those needs, then the relationship is in trouble. Perhaps taking stock of your needs and making them a requirement in future relationships will help in choosing potential mates. Life is too short for juvenile games and dishonest people.

Live strong

jacqueline said...

drive drive drive!!
i am so envious of your van and your freedom... if only you would take it and run with it. i understand your debt burden (i get so stressed out thinking of my own) but you're so close... !!!
really looking forward to your future. you have so many choices at your finger tips, i wonder what you'll choose =]
i'm reminded of a friend who promised himself in high school that he would never smoke pot. now 24 he has never been high. never mind how much he's grown as a person, he simply hasn't reassessed how he feels about drugs RIGHT NOW in his life. this inspires me to constantly reassess decisions i make.
in the end, though, i have to trust you're doing what's right for you. all the best, j

Living the good life....together!! said...

Is your shower the nozzle type..black bag. I have one that I bought from walmart when I lived in my tent for almost a year. It came in handy but the hole at the top that you hang it buy always ripped eventually. I went through 2 that year. have you had any problems so far? Cd we get a closer pic of your sink and maybe an idea how large your bed is? Do you like your new van much better?? Did you get the roof fixed?

stranger in a strange van said...

my shower lays on top of a my storage shed, so it won't rip from hanging, and i bought it at REI, so if it did, i can take it back for a refund. my sink is not functional in my new van. i'm using the basin system, but the bed is almost a double size bed on the "second floor" of the new van. i LOVE my new van! so much more room! though less stealthy for sure, it sticks out.
ahhh, thanks for the comments, i love you guys!

I'm Chris Harne said...

Maybe you need a new location to gain perspective. More accurately, maybe I need a new location to gain more perspective. You sound like you're typing shit right out of my brain. Thanks - it makes me feel better. I'm gonna bust outta here soon enough.