it feels a little sad now when i'm in a thrift store, when it used to feel like a treasure hunt. i remember feeling this way before. yes before i had a full time bff. and now that she's moved on, i'm a little empty here by myself. and what's the point of making tea and having a second breakfast at noon if it's only me? might as well go to the coffee shop and blog while i sit alone. the most painful part was the days before they left, knowing that the inevitable was coming, but still having the revelry of good friends to enjoy. now it's not painful, but a low-grade sorrow sometimes fills the air where laughter used to live.
it's always been this way, i've got no one to hitch my wagon to and i like being that freelance friend who might show up any day, but probably won't stay. the price for this is a little loneliness. i want to gather all my beloved friends up and plant them together, then i could be caretaker of them all and never want for adventure or love. their free wills barring that, i will become mobile and bounce around making grand entrances and melancholy exits in all their lives while i run around talking to plants and listening to mountains. it makes me happy to do this.
PCT SOBO part 5: buttchafe and euphoria
3 days ago