i was feeling low and worker bee-ish today as i went through the motions of packing up my van to go do several massages on my day "off" and as i slogged along, i grumbled promises to my tired shoulders that i would never get in debt again. whatever i can have in this life, i can have, and if it ain't a mansion on a hill, so be it. so my acting career hasn't happened, and i'm not a travel writer, and i don't even have a puppy much less a herd of horses, but i am working for a paycheck and not counting on the lottery. it's not all i can do, but it's a step with open eyes and in the meantime my heart is strong.
and just as i thought the day couldn't get more mundane....eric calls me. damn near the last thing i expected on planet earth today. my feelings were mixed, i was still quite angry which was my way of dealing the anxiety of not knowing, but i wanted like hell to see him in the flesh and press my head into his broad chest as i hugged him one more time. he pulled up on a brand new motorcycle of the fast variety with a shiny helmet a smile, and cautious eyes. the news was horrible, as i thought it would be and while he says he wants to see me while he's in town putting his affairs in order, i have little hope for being a recurring character in his life, he's keeping me at arms length. can't say i blame him, i am a prickly bitch, but i do have some fortitude and am willing to go the distance for him if he'll let me.
cut to tears, hugs, questions and long looks...
my role, i'm certain is to lure him back into life with those who love him, and the shiny new helmet winks approval.
No More Deaths Ajo May Monthlong Program
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