Monday, July 14, 2008

the cat came back

i was feeling low and worker bee-ish today as i went through the motions of packing up my van to go do several massages on my day "off" and as i slogged along, i grumbled promises to my tired shoulders that i would never get in debt again. whatever i can have in this life, i can have, and if it ain't a mansion on a hill, so be it. so my acting career hasn't happened, and i'm not a travel writer, and i don't even have a puppy much less a herd of horses, but i am working for a paycheck and not counting on the lottery. it's not all i can do, but it's a step with open eyes and in the meantime my heart is strong.
and just as i thought the day couldn't get more mundane....eric calls me. damn near the last thing i expected on planet earth today. my feelings were mixed, i was still quite angry which was my way of dealing the anxiety of not knowing, but i wanted like hell to see him in the flesh and press my head into his broad chest as i hugged him one more time. he pulled up on a brand new motorcycle of the fast variety with a shiny helmet a smile, and cautious eyes. the news was horrible, as i thought it would be and while he says he wants to see me while he's in town putting his affairs in order, i have little hope for being a recurring character in his life, he's keeping me at arms length. can't say i blame him, i am a prickly bitch, but i do have some fortitude and am willing to go the distance for him if he'll let me.
cut to tears, hugs, questions and long looks...
my role, i'm certain is to lure him back into life with those who love him, and the shiny new helmet winks approval.

6 comments:

Jack said...

remember, one day at a time. The goal is clear, what needs to be done is known. it's just a matter of putting one foot in front of the other. this may apply to both eric and your debt-reduction plan...:)

J

http://adventuresinvoluntarysimplicity.blogspot.com

I'm Chris Harne said...

Bah! Why didn't that motherfucker call you for so long? BAH!

All the best, yo. You know what's good.

Anonymous said...

Cuz he is getting his life in order because he is gonna die you fuck!!

stranger in a strange van said...

yeah, i guess i wasn't a piece in the puzzle of getting his life in order. in the face of death, i've become extraneous.

Anonymous said...

why when someone is faced with such a horrible tragedy is it so hard for people to see outside of their own selfishness...?

stranger in a strange van said...

it's not hard to see outside myself. i know he has to do what he has to do, i just wish he'd let me in to help. he'd rather be alone and i think that's sad, but it's not out of selfishness that i want to see him. why don't you name yourself instead of posting anonymous words of "wisdom" from behind your curtain. do you have a better idea?