a slow simmering sadness crept up on me as i went about my day, doing laundry, eating, calling people, watching a documentary, and meeting my friend kree for dinner and drinks. it's the news from eric, it's the distance from my family and good friends, it's the realization of goals i haven't met. it's a force of my nature that reminds me not to get too comfortable, always be ready to move.
a little girl in baggy shorts plays with a toy bow and arrow set, trying to convince her little sister to hold the target, but the princess says no. trying to train herself to be indian, but it's only plastic. i understand her attempt. i want to be who i am, but i have no cultural reference point. there's no one to tell me if i made it, or if i failed. i'm playing out my own visions, making up my story, but i want for community, for place, for home.
it's days like this that i just want to buy a house and declare a state of being that revolves around one spot on the earth.
i know i'm just looking over the fence instead of enjoying my own pasture, and i bring my focus back to here and now. the moonlit night is a gift of temperate perfection, crickets serenading with cicadas singing backup, a horn honks, a bike backfires, i crack a beer and breathe.
desert heat/small doge/blind faith
1 week ago