Wednesday, February 4, 2009


if you've checked the comment section of my blog lately, you'll see much spirited discussion between me and a few of my relatives. it's really got me thinking, and i want to put this out there as my intention.

i want to be a christian if god wants me to be one. that's going to take a miraculous conversion effort on god's part, and i'm sure god is capable, but so far god has not revealed christianity to be the way for me. nothing short of this will do, no emails, no books, no endless reasoning and explanation. i know christians have reasons they believe, but the basis is that they just BELIEVE. that's the component i don't have and can't be given to me by anyone but god.

i came across an interesting website today, a blog of a woman who was converted at age 37 through some sort of god attack. i'm intrigued, and i'll be reading her story.

i am an open person. i do not want to deny or contradict anything just because i don't find it appealing. i don't feel empty without religion or faith, so it hasn't been a real motivating factor for me, but it seems to be an area of endless contention in my family. if it doesn't happen, and i don't end up a christian, i hope they can accept that i tried, i asked and i did not receive. and if christ wins, then we all go out for drinks and celebrate.


damonx449 said...

I came across your blog and I read it now and then. In this latest post you spoke about comments between you and your family, so I read them, and this is my opinion. (One viewpoint is, why would you want a stranger's opinion, and the answer is that if you didn't, you would not write a blog with a comment section.) Here is the thing-- there seems to be a theme to every time that there is controversy over your blog: you write about something that is obviously supposed to stay private. Your old "boyfriend", I think you called him E or J, who asked you not to mention him; your thoughts about the children of your housemates; and now, the letter that your aunt wrote you. Yes, you'll argue, but this is MY blog and I'm entitled to write what I want. Sure is. But your friends and family shouldn't have to preface everything with "please don't put this in your blog." To an outsider like myself, the letter your aunt wrote was very private, and without even asking you put her private thoughts out there for the world to see. Just because you CAN write about everything and everyone doesn't mean you SHOULD. Keep certain things private between you and others- it's important.

baronmarsh said...

Years ago I lost a very dear high school friend to Christianity. Well, Moromism really. He fell in love and an LDS girl and they married. He found God for, or because of, her and converted to the LDS thing.

The rub is he and I both found multiple issues with faith in general, Mormonism in particular.

We were both serving in the Air Force at the time on different bases and hadn't seen each other in a couple of years. I recieved a letter from hime (pre email days). The short of it was he found God, he hoped I could accept that, and kiss off. Wow!! That didn't seem very Christian-like to me.

We spoke briefly once a couple of years after the letter. The letter came about 22 years ago.

I'm a live and let live kind of guy and I get pretty hostile (verbally) toward folks who push their faith. And at the same time I'll defend their freedom to choose. A paradox, me thinks?

I'm certainly not spiritual, but I'm certain following ones heart is one of the right ways to live.

Be good.

Lucas said...

Well I returned to see if my comment was too harsh and I found this post. So first of all, if you find my previous comment to be mean-spirited, I am sorry. Typing on a phone for an hour makes me lose all sense of proportion until I forget whether I'm mad at you or at the tiny screen.

As for this post, I just want to offer two pieces of advice: go volunteer with some sort of Christian physical ministry (with the homeless, the handicapped, or the like). This will do more than any book, sermon, or argument will. Secondly go and explore several churches and denominations. We were raised in one, but I feel more at home in another. You may too. Oh, and don't be too guarded. You may be suprised by how earthly, alive, and grungy some Christians are once you know each other.

Also, remember that Jesus is the only deity who struggled with belief, if only for a moment - 'Father, why have you forsaken me.' Which I think is pretty badass.

Tara said...

Oh man. I once wrote a 40 page paper on the ethics of christianity vs paganism, and I'm having a hard time keeping my mouth shut.

Bon Vivant said...

You're correct that only god can give you faith and that's the aspect that most Christians of modern theology can't seem to grasp. If god alone can grant you belief, his disciples show little logic when they exhibit personal displeasure at his not doing so! lol Keep the reason! I have a canon question that I use which no Christian seems to be able to answer either 'cause they use the 'faith' argument endlessly when trying.

Anonymous said...

There is no easier was to start a war then to talk about your brand of god. :^)

The woman at Flirting with Faith; well, to me she is just getting ready to sell a book. Just so you know, she is a professor of marketing. It is no wonder why people like her, it is like they like are talking about a new brand of laundry detergent.

Lucas, I think FV is living closer to god then almost all of the christians I know. And I have to ask, why would a deity, a god, have to question faith? That is weird to me. If he was a deity, wouldn't he know "he" existed? (You see FV, this is where they get in trouble because most christians do not understand that the bible is a metaphorical device.) And talk about bad asses, the Buddha said "If you see a Buddha on the road, kill him." Hah! My god can beat up yer god!

The god experience is just another experience and it is one level short of knowing god. Trouble is most people just get hooked on the experience and forget to walk up the last step. It is like hearing some good music and instead of picking up a guitar and learning how to play, you just go out and buy the CDs. They don't know how to play so they figure they could just associate with the musician.

Shannon said...

This is kinda an aside but i thought of it while reading the comments.

I said something real mean to Ando when visiting squirrel hill, oh 10ish years ago...remember that apt, L? went outside to recenter and stood staring at the jewish temple, praying to whomever, I guess; building up the courage to apologize. A woman walked by and asked what I was doing and when I told her that I had hurt a friend and was finding guidance there on the street corner she gave me directions to a christian church nearby. I politely declined, wishing her gone so I could continue the moment alone. That scene is so lucid still painted vividly in my memory.

Moon said...

I say believe in whatever you would like to believe or not believe in. There are plenty plenty plenty of happy humans in this world who are not Xtian nor would ever want to be. Im one of them. YOU just be happy being who you are. You dont need a title or box to stand in for other people.

May you be healthy, may you be liberated, may you be peaceful!