i'm back

today marks the 83rd day of my hawaiian adventure, a significant day because freyja got out of quarantine and now she is hiding under the bed, though we did some snuggling earlier. it feels like we've been apart for so long, but now that she's here, it's all back to normal. hissing and purring and growling and crunch crunching kibble. i have my sidekick back. or maybe my leader, but either way i feel complete. and i've done a complete 180 from where i was just weeks ago in my lonesome madness. no more do i feel alien, no more do i cry for no reason, no more do i wonder just what the hell i'm doing here... well, almost no more. i guess i've been distracted from all that by someone. and i've relearned that i'm charming, funny, pretty, and my dreams come true all the time.

i remember the day i got freyja from the pound. she was the sweetest, most unique and curious kitten. her markings so soft and symmetrical, sort of mesmerizing. i had never seen a cat like her before, though she wasn't strange, she was my imagination come to life. as we've grown together over the years, she's been like a mirror. those who know us both tend to say we're exactly alike. i guess i can accept that i'm not that nice, i only like who i like, and i change my mind precisely when i feel like changing my mind. it's not a stretch to see that i can act mad when i'm feeling affectionate, like to be looked at but not touched, and tend to inject a little pain into my play. she helps me see that though i'm not to everyone's liking, those that like me do it madly.

in the past weeks, i've delved more deeply into the world of here and now. i've made an important ally, and i have surprising options opening all around me.