today i begin to broaden the view of this blog, this mind, this life. i've spent the past year, and many other years in my life just getting out from under burdens, obligations, and debts; always managing to keep my head above water, but not much else. my friend sarah says that's very grown-up of me since many people have their parents bail them out, have money from an inheritance, or rely on someone else to pay their way much of their twenties. i feel like the price i paid for learning this self sufficiency was not learning my true calling, not knowing my special strengths. things other people learned while relying on their financial supporters, i never had a chance to. i've been assured it's not too late, i just switched the order of learning. many of my friends are just now learning how to completely financially support themselves, but i envy the fact that they know what they really want to do in life. getting free from oppressive debt was the first step to giving myself space to grow into the adult i want to be. now, that weight off my shoulders, i'm feeling a little lost, like all i've really learned in life was how to be a good worker bee. i want to be more than that now, but i don't know where to start. more advice from sarah says that one of my great strengths is curiosity and the ability to talk to all walks of life. my varied experiences give me ease in relating to the working class, yogis, college students, cowhands, drunks, dreamers, lawyers, bodyworkers, hobos, artists, thinkers, homeless and more. i wonder of what use that is, but i'm not going to let that discourage me. i'm going to make my hawaii adventure into an art project. i want to document my experience and share my perspective. i want to filter the seemingly random lessons i learn each day into something coherent and thought provoking. maybe i'll interview people i meet and take their picture, doing a series using the same questions, like "who are you?", and "what do you think about most?". maybe i'll do some naturalist studies, like what comprises the jungle floor, or how to identify different species of bananas, or what plants were native to hawaii and how they got there. it's infinite. i want to spend a nearly equal amount of time with people and without them. i want to work enough to feel financially stable, but not so much that i have no time to volunteer on something fascinating-- my own study or someone else's.
this is where the blog takes a turn. i've extricated my body and mind from the trappings of "normal" obligations. i'm a free agent. this is where the lens zooms out and i find my newly unstuck self in a bigger picture.
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2 comments:
Yeah you're here. I have a very busy work week ahead of me but my next weekend (Nov 26 - 30) I only work on Sat (Nov 29) Thanksgiving is the 27. We must see you! Remember I work at Sears Portrait Studio at the Alderwood Mall in Lynnwood. :)
Yeah, it is envious when peerage know what the really want to do in life. (shelia says the right developmental time for this in the montessrian perspective is really quite young; seems that culturally we are depriving people the resourses to learn about them selves at the right age) However, while you were too busy as a worker bee to notice your special strengths, those of us who have shared parts of your life got to see your strength in full swing. The outside perspective has been a grand revelry! and I hope you do learn about yourself what we have learned by watching in wonder. Sarah is right to call curiosity and flexibility strengths of yours; I promise the list is nearly endless and all of us would have one more adjective to add to your profile. A good resolution to head into new year with! I want to share more with you when you get to Spokane about this....
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