entering exiting

today is the birthday of the newest member of my clan--shannon and george had a baby girl today! perfect, healthy and luckily a virgo. seems like all my friends either have kids, are pregnant, or intend to be soon. guess that's normal. i wish i could be there to see her little face. she is not named yet...might i suggest lydia as an enduringly beautiful title for a lass? someone ought to name their kid after me, that's for sure.
there are joys and woes that come with leaving, and i understand now why some people choose not to say goodbye. it's hard when everyday is filled with friends and acquaintances expressing their disappointment and sadness at my leaving. i feel lucky to have this problem, i know it means i'm well loved, but the depression is still lurking in the corners of every waking hour. it's the time of year too, i always get sad when fall comes. i haven't accomplished much in the way of packing my van this week. i'll be doing it all last minute as usual.
good news on the kitty--she doesn't have stones. it looked that way in the x ray, but turns out they were calcifications on her ovarian stumps, whatever that means. so she just has a nasty urinary infection again. this time she's on a broad spectrum antibiotic, which i don't like, but hey it's better than surgery.
i had the good fortune to reconnect with one my very dear friends, kodiak, who i haven't seen in over a year. he breezed into town just in time to catch me, and being around him was a reminder of the lessons i learned with him--mostly that a healthy relationship consists largely of respect, communication, and self-knowledge. we truly appreciate each other and that is so refreshing. i need more people like him in my life.

last minute affairs

when i set my leaving date, things always get interesting. last night i went to dinner with bob, a customer from the restaurant who really likes me and the rest of the staff. two of my servers, my boss and his girlfriend went also and we drank two magnums of sake, ate countless plates of sushi and sashimi, and finished up with the most delicious banana cream pie i've ever had. bob picked up the tab which was well over 500 dollars. pretty decadent treatment for a "homeless" girl. i knew he had sort of a crush on me, so i expected him to make a move at the end of the night which he did. we sat in my van and i told him my freedomvan story (though i didn't tell him about this blog), and he expressed how envious of my life he was. we discussed how anyone can have what i have--freedom from debt, no obligations, ability to travel wherever and whenever they want, they just have to either be very rich or give up all their possessions and live in a van for a while. when he made his move, i gently rebuffed him and he retreated elegantly. he is quite a gentleman after all, and only slightly younger than my father.
as i was driving home, i decided to stop at this bar i like to write letters in sometimes because one of the bartenders is rather attractive. he was there, working the door for the "blues jam" in his motorcycle jacket and heavy boots, his careless just barely mohawk resting perfectly atop his boyish face. i've been known to fall for this type, cue the ex-boyfriend slideshow. the scottish guy was also there in full garb--kilt and all. this fellow likes to chase me around, giving me high fives and buying me drinks. i intended on just one, but had two and a half by the time it was all said and done. i talked to the cute one when i could, and learned that he'd just broken up with his girlfriend and was back on his dad's couch. he must've seen something in my eyes when he revealed that information and the flirtation began in earnest. i'm only here for one more week. he's newly single. might as well make the best of it. for the second time that night, a gentleman walked me to my van, but this time i welcomed his advance. a short series of kisses preceded a phone number exchange, and i drove home on a cloud. not bad for a sunday...
today i woke up reluctantly to a cold and cloudy monday. not my favorite, to say the least. i've been rather depressed all day, just not sure how to proceed with getting all this crap taken care of. i made a commitment to take all the clothes i'm getting rid of to buffalo exchange, take the books to capitol books, take everything they don't take to the salvation army. i reorganized my van so that my scooter can fit inside for the trip. and now i'm stalling at the coffee shop for a while. david bowie is making it better.

wrapping up

my friends are the cutest. something about sailing away forever makes them love me more. maybe this is why i leave so much. since i announced my plan to leave denver in less than 2 weeks, i've heard from friends almost daily, many of which i haven't seen in years. i'll be going to santa fe, that little city i love, first to see the dear friends i made during massage school, and then heading toward chicago to see my college friends. i miss them so much! tonight the two gemini twins i got into all sorts of trouble with left me a voicemail which made me laugh out loud on the street while i was wrapping up my tattered belongings and lashing them to my scooter.
my friend bruce, the 8-track guy, gave me the most awesome portable 8-track player i've ever seen today. it looks like swiss cheese. he didn't want me to be in my winter home without a way to listen to my collection. i was showing it off today at work, just beaming and dancing around, but no one really cared. i don't think most people see the coolness of 8-tracks.
freyja had a relapse of urinary troubles, and i took her to the vet today. seems she's got two stones in her ureter that are causing infection and pain. i got her tested to the tune of 440 dollars and i await the results to see what i'm supposed to do. i'm uncertain what the right path will be, as i cannot afford an expensive surgery. i'm scared. whatever happens, she's coming with me, and i'll do what is in my power to make her comfortable. i wonder if my lifestyle is too stressful for her?
in one week, i'll be done with my job. i got my life insurance check which allowed me to pay off all my credit cards and have a few thousand dollars in savings. i've arrived at the first goal of freedomvan! this plan actually worked. i'm amazed.

two weeks notice

i get nervous about quitting jobs, i don't know why. perhaps it's a carryover from my work ethic, and saying "i'm quitting" doesn't fit in my mind. but, on occasion, it must be done, and i did it today. mister bossy pants was real nice about it and started drinking shortly after i told him. it turned out to be a fun night filled with bottles of wine, jokes, stories, and the beginning of the good bye process. i will miss this place, i have had fun here, and there are things i love that i'm leaving behind. i've been sort of melancholy today thinking of the paths i'm eliminating, and it's good to recognize their merit. soon enough i'll be excited about my winter plan...soon enough i will reveal it in all it's glory.

mama i'm coming home

last night my boss sent me home from work because he started an argument with me based on his opinions of my personal life. i asked him to walk away, or stop talking to me, but he kept at it, just digging for an emotional response. finally, i caved and got angry, told him he was an asshole and to leave me alone, at which point he ordered me to take the night off. i did. this came at the tail end of my fast and i was feeling really clear, so i spent some time really evaluating my situation. i don't need to stay here. i am so close to my goal that it's fairly inconsequential if i decide to leave in 2 weeks or in 6, so i've decided to leave earlier rather than later. why stay here and undergo mistreatment by a chemically imbalanced boss when i can just go to my hometown? my mom said she could use some help with the bed and breakfast and the office, and though i haven't talked to my brother, i bet he could use me at his restaurant too. these are all jobs i have done before, and though they don't pay as well as my current one, at least i can be spending time with my family while i'm doing them.
tuesday i will put in my two weeks notice. looks like my plans got moved forward yet again. i'm really excited and happy to be in the final countdown.
winter plans are coming together. i got a note from my aunt who is finishing up her alaska trip (in her rv of course) welcoming me to come to arizona for the winter, and an email from an uncle telling me of his plans for the fall/winter which include a visit to the slabs (in his rv of course). though my burgeoning plan doesn't quite line up with either of them, i hope our paths will cross in the meantime. do you think this wanderlust is in my blood?
the next two weeks, i'll need some strong selling luck as i unload the last of my unwanted belongings and pack up the chateau for it's maiden voyage. at long last!

some good news

after a rough couple of days, i'm feeling positive about my situation. who cares that i got kicked out? i needed to leave anyway. yeah, it's messed up and probably not technically legal, but i have to face the fact that the authorities don't want to see me. out of sight, out of trouble is my new motto. and it wasn't my fault they were there, it was my crappy landlord's fault because the place was overtaken my weeds. i'm setting my sights on new horizons and taking steps to make the rest of my time here worthwhile.
here's the good news:
1. freyja is all better, the anitbiotics took a while to work, but she's back to normal now. she's getting along well in her new surroundings, staying at terri's has been really easy.
2. i had a fun weekend wherein i cooked out with several friends of mine and drank too much wine. we danced to some 80's music and then chilled out to morphine (the band not the drug!) as the hour got late. i even stole a kiss from one of the hosts. john angel P.I., the large spotted fish who lives alone by the tv, already had a docket on me, but now it's a little juicier. ahh, perfection still exists.
3. living with terri is fun. she really needs the company and i'm learning alot from her about life. her stories are various and mostly horrible, but this is the life that created her. i understand how she got where she is, and that's the beginning of friendship.
4. today was day one of a five day fast that i'm going on with my friend from work. time to clean out the system and gain a new perspective. i'd been eating anything and everything for a while and i just want to start over. the "master cleanse" is a simple (not easy) way to do that.
5. i've been going to yoga 3-5 times a week for three weeks now and i feel like a much more balanced person. since the van dwelling adventure started, i haven't taken care of myself like i should. now i'm changing that.

get out--part two

yes, it is illegal to live in your van, at least that's what the officer told me, and he assured me that if i refused to vacate the premises (which i believe means that i would still be living in a van, but not in his direct line of vision) he would arrest me. i haven't been threatened with arrest ever before, it's so strange how you can wake up one day and get arrested for being where you are. i made very little fuss because i didn't see the point, i was leaving in 10 days anyway, so i just moved my moving date up. i called my slumlord and he acted like he had no idea what was going on. i don't suppose he paid any attention to the notices the city sent him about the lawn violations. he felt bad about what happened, because i'm probably his best tenant, but he's in shit up to his armpits already with all the violations and didn't offer much in the way of explanations. he mostly just wanted me to tell the cops i wasn't living there, that i was just storing my stuff there and happened to spend the night in my van. he must have known that renting that spot to me wasn't legal, but i wasn't interested in lying for him. i'm just glad this happened now and not two months ago.
i have a much better sense of how much stuff i have now since i had to move it all in an hour. three boxes to get rid of by various means, three boxes of things i have to fit in the van, my massage table and massage chair, tools, cat, scooter, bike. not bad, but there has to be some arranging to be sure. the city code enforcement team watched blankly as i carried all my stuff across the alley, speaking spanish they thought i couldn't understand. i wonder if they told their families about me at dinner. crazy white woman. this week is the first week i've started to think about being sick of living in a van. i'm not there yet, and i think it's mostly due to being stuck in one place, i need to DRIVE the van to enjoy it more, and avoid the problems of being too visible.
for now, i'm crashing at terri's place, she was luckily ready for me and didn't mind. i slept in her house last night and it was weird. it's not like i haven't slept in a building lately, i did it on vacation, but this was different. i was "home" but not in my van. i'm anxious to be gone from here. october first is a definite. destination, still unknown. two probable paths, plenty of room for improvisation.